I went to court this morning

by Paul Cezanne

written this afternoon February 28, 2013 

The cop had said to me I am giving you two tickets. One for driving in the bike lane and the other for expired license.

And he handed me the paper with the two citations on it and little booklet with it.

Last week when I was very early after my swim at Y waiting for Jim to get me and it was too cold to wait outside, I sat in the waiting room and got out the citation and the booklet.

The booklet had some of the citations on it. For expired license it said $87 but if you go down and get another license and show that to the judge you don't have to pay it.

And since I had taken the written test the day after the tickets and gotten my new learners permit I saw I wouldn’t have to pay that one.

But the other one driving in bike lane, the citation number with it wasn’t on the booklet. So I had no idea how much that ticket would be.

At the bottom of the citation it said to go to court on February 28th, and court opens at 8 AM and it gave the address.

So yesterday I said to Jim, “Pick me up at 7:30 so I can be there at 8 AM when it opens.

“I’ll probably finish at 10 AM so you can pick me up then and we can both go swimming.”

I woke up at 6 AM this morning and even tho I wanted to go back to sleep I realized I have to get ready for court.

Yesterday I had painted my fingernails to look pretty for the judge.  And of course all day I kept saying to myself what I will say to the judge.

So I forced myself to get up at 6 am, fed the kitties, put up my coffee, and organized for court.

I had my checkbook and my credit card so I could pay whatever it comes to.  Plus I found 2 dollar bills, I put that in my change purse, along with two 20 dollar bills.

I changed my outfit a few times, I wanted to look nice but I didn’t want to wear a bra.

And I got out the new pretty sandals I had bought at Payless last week.

At 6:30 I called Jim and woke him up. “Can you be here at 7:30?”

“Yes” he said.

I only got to have few sips of my coffee.

I reorganized my pocketbook so I would be sure to have all the paperwork for court.  I had one minute before Jim drove into my driveway so I rushed out to paint my toenails.

And I put my swim bag, towel, and bathing suit in truck too for after court.

“When we go to court” I said, “you don’t have to come in with me, I am not afraid to talk to the judge.

“Why don’t you go to your club and have wonderful jacuzzi, steam, and sauna and schmooze with your friends.

“Come back for me at 10 o’clock or 10:15, I am sure I will be finished then.”

Going in thru the metal detector was so much fun, and I was laughing with the girl security guard in charge.

And she pointed to the courtroom for traffic tickets.

The line was so tiny because I was so early. So I asked the man ahead of me if he could hold my place so I could go to the ladies room.

He said “of course.” But just then they opened the door, and he even let me ahead of him. What a gentleman!

The lady said “Go to window 5.”

I was so surprised because I expected to walk into a court room.

I couldn’t figure it out. Are the judges behind the windows and I tell them the story?

But at Window 5 was a very nice girl. I showed her my citation. She looked them both up on her computer.

She said “You can pay it all now or go to defensive driving school or see a judge.”

I said “how much is the driving in bike lane one?”

She looked on her computer and said “199.” Plus I have to see the judge to show him I got my learners permit again and take away that fine.

So I said “I want to see the judge.”

So she said “Fill out this paper. And you will get something in the mail in two weeks giving you an appointment to see the judge in a month.”

“I didn’t know that, no one told me that. I thought I would see the judge today. It is only ten after 8 and my friend won’t come to pick me up till 10 o’clock.  I don’t have cell phone.  Where can I call him?”

Her cellphone was right by her on her desk, along with her half eaten bagel.  I hoped she would offer to call Jim.

But instead she said “I will show you where the pay phones are, meet me at the end of this.”

She was very nice and took me down the hall and pointed out ladies room for me and public phones.

Luckily I saw I had a few quarters in my change purse. I didn’t know where to call Jim. On his cell phone or call him at Racquet Club?

I decided to do his cell phone first in case he went home and not to Club.

I put in my quarter but it kept asking for 25 cents.

So I hung up and tried again.

And same thing happened

So I thought I don’t know how to operate this public telephone

I went into an office and told the girl behind the desk the whole story. Her cellphone was sitting right there, I hoped she would offer. When she didn’t I said "how do the public phones work?”

She said “I have no idea.”

I was standing there totally flummoxed, I did not know what to do.

A cop came in and immediately began chatting with her. He was so enthusiastic to be there and chat with her.

And he was showing her pictures and games on his cell phone.

So I told him my story that I need help with the public telephone.

At some point I must have been near tears from all my frustration and desperation so my voice got loud with emotion.

He immediately ordered me, “DON’T YELL  AT ME!”

I probably hit bottom then.

I knew he was not going to help me. Instead he jeered at me when I said “I put in my quarter.”

He said “pay phones have not been a quarter for 20 years.”

“How much are they now?” I asked

“I don’t know,” he said, “35 cents.”

And then he taunted me. Making fun of my New York City accent. Imitating it.

Then he went back to showing her all the things on his cell phone. He was so happy talking to her.

I saw 3 telephone books on a shelf on the side and hoped I could find the phone number for Racquet Club. I was so glad when I found it. And folded the phone book to that page to take to the public phone.

“Where are you going with that phone book!” he barked at me.

“I am just taking it to public phone. I will bring it back. I am not stealing it.”

Everything was crazy at the public phone. It said put in 4 quarters for 4 minutes.

So I put in 4 quarters and dialed Racquet Club. The book must have been out of date. Instead what I got was a recording asking “What is your emergency? Are you dying? Are you having a heart attack?”

I hung up and hoped my money would be returned. It was not.

Then I saw it said 50 cents for local call. I had two quarters left. I called Jim’s cellphone.

When it rang 5 times I knew he is not at home but at the Club and since he never picks up his messages I hung up before the recording began “leave a message,” hoping my quarters would be returned. They were not.

I brought the phonebook back and the policeman was still showing her everything on his cellphone. Calling out the names of cities, “San Antonio, and “San Diego” etc.

So I decided to go outside and have a cigarette.

I could not find any place to sit down and kept crossing streets. Finally I saw place with a lot of benches. And went there.

It turned out to be the bus terminal. “Fine” I thought, “I will take the bus home.”

It was about twenty to nine now. They had clock showing the time. When a bus pulled up I asked the driver “which is the bus to Swan and 5^th?

He said “behind me.”

I walked up and down looking at all the buses and the ones pulling in, but none of them were the right bus for me, they were all going someplace else.

When a bus pulled in and opened the door I saw “exact change needed.”

I said “how much does it cost?”

He said “1.50”

I said “I have two dollars.”

I had checked my change purse. He said “that is fine.”

Finally I sat down on a bench, altho it was so cold in the shade. The bench in the sunshine was all filled up.

I saw a teenager with his cellphone. I debated for a while and then summoned up my courage. I had 20 cents left. I said I can give it to him if I can call my friend and say pick me up.

He said “I have no minutes left.”

I could tell he thought I was a panhandler and was trying to get rid of me.

But then a nice miracle happened. A girl who was also standing there said she is also waiting for the Number 3 bus. And it is supposed to be arriving now and she doesn’t know where it is.

She said “I am just going to take it to the other side of the tunnel.  I could walk there but it is so cold in the tunnel.”

You have to go thru a tunnel to get into or leave downtown.

She said “The bus is supposed to be here now. And my class is at 9 o’clock.”

The clock said 5 to nine.

I said “I sure hope it comes so you are not late for class.”

She said “it is ok my boyfriend knows I am late.”

She said “That is our bus now but it has to pull around.”

She sure knew her way around the buses.

And when it pulled around she got on right away. I said to the driver “I have two singles.” And he pointed to the thing to put them both in. And they slid thru nicely.

I was so happy to be on the bus. I forgot I love buses and haven’t been on one for almost 20 years. My first year in Tucson I took it twice when Bill did not want to drive me to the mall.

The back of the bus was elevated, you step up two steps. Of course I wanted to sit up high.

So I went to the last seat in last row in back of bus and sat by the window so I could look out.

And after the tunnel at the first stop I looked out the window and there was my friend from the bus terminal.

I knocked on the window with my rings. She looked up and saw me and waved to me and I waved to her. I couldn’t understand what school she went to, I didn’t see any school.

But the friendliness made me happy.

I actually was completely happy during my bus ride. It was fun he went so slowly so I could look around. Jim drives so fast and is mainly mad at other drivers who hold him up.

Then I noticed the teenage boy sitting on the side seat. He had his magic markers out and was doing a tattoo on his hand. I found that so interesting to watch.

Then he got out his cellphone and used it as a mirror and combed his long hair and made it into a hairdo he liked. His hair was chin length. He shook it so it fell the way he liked. And studied it in his cell phone mirror.

I watched him for a long time it was so interesting how he was making himself beautiful. Plus I loved looking out the window too.

Then a beautiful girl got on and that was so exciting. She was blond with glasses but her glasses made her even more beautiful. And I noticed she had black fishnet stockings and boots.  She looked so alive. She was a joy to look at.

She had enormous purse. And first she took out the tablet and did a few things with it. She used it as a mirror too. She pursed her lips and looked at herself.

Then she went into her enormous pocketbook and pulled out a paperback book. It was big, as big as my books. And I was so gratified to see someone still does read books.

Then my Higher Self said “Look away! You can’t keep looking at her, it is called staring and it is rude.”

So I forced my eyes off her and looked out the window again. I guess it was OK with the teenage boy because he was unaware of me, he was in his own world. He had now taken out two notebooks, but they had writing on cover.

I didn’t know what it was about.

So I looked out the window all the way till we reached Columbus Road which is the road before mine, mine is Swan.

At first I couldn’t figure out how you let the driver know you want him to stop. I know how you do it in NYC, you just pull the thing. But I didn’t see the thing to pull and thought “maybe you press a button” but I didn’t see a button.

But then I saw the thing to pull on other side of the bus, so looked up and there was one on my side too. Low down.

So after Columbus I pulled it. But to my surprise he made a stop in between before he got to my street. He thought that was what I wanted.

So I walked up to the front of the bus and said “I’m so sorry. I made a mistake. I’m going to Swan.”

There was another bus driver standing next to him schmoozing the whole time.

When I said “I’m going to Swan” he said are you going to Condac?”

“Why” I said and burst out laughing, “do I look like a mental patient!”

I was laughing at my joke, I found it so funny.

My dog always used to take me to the Condac parking lot.  It is near my house. She would go up to everybody and kiss them. Some of the people looked like they had not cracked a smile in 20 years. But they were happy when my dog gave them love. That’s how I knew it was some kind of therapy center.

The parking lot is always full so I realize they have to show up once a month to renew their prescription.

Just when I was going to get off the bus a girl in front said to the driver she just wants to get off for a second to throw her tissue out.

“Hand it to me” I said, “I will put it in garbage can for you.”

She gave me her tissue and I was still laughing at my joke and happy to do a favor.

So I hopped out in such a good mood and threw the tissue in the garbage can right next to bench at bus stop.

I went home as fast as I could and rushed in the house so I could call Jim before he left to pick me up at court.

I tried his cell phone twice, no answer. But I figured he would realize I was home when my name showed up.

Then I looked up Racquet Club on my computer. I asked the guy at the desk if Jim is there. And the guy said yes.

I said “Tell him Annie is home. Don’t go to court. The judge would not see her.”

He said he will give Jim the message.

Then I changed into my play clothes so I could rush outside with my comforter and lay in the sunshine.

I also heated up the coffee I never got to drink in the morning.

Jim called. “I’m home,” I said. “I took the bus. They wouldn’t let me see the judge.

“Come to my house, we will decide about swimming then.”

I rushed off the phone because I really wanted to get to that glorious sunshine and lie down and drink my coffee.

I was surprised it took Jim so long to arrive. I thought “well maybe he is doing errands.”

But when he did arrive, it turned out he had been at court for a long time looking for me. When I wasn’t outside, he had parked, put in his quarter. And went inside. And went upstairs to all the judge’s chambers to see if I was there.

And then he got my call on his cellphone.

I felt terrible that I had not been able to reach him in time.

He was sitting in my backyard in the sunshine petting my cat Priscilla who was in ecstasy at all his loving wonderful pets and rubs.

I told him my whole story from beginning to end.

He wasn’t interested in my story except for what happened about the appointment with seeing the judge.

All he said when I finished my story was “well at least you got home.”

I said “Jim I discovered I love taking the bus. I wished I could take the bus everywhere. So now we know when I have to go to court to see the judge, you can take me there. But when it is over I can cross the street to the bus terminal and take bus home

“You don’t have to pick me up.”

I had gotten out all my magic markers after he called, and decided when he arrives I will have him draw a tattoo on my back.

I have been dying for a tattoo for 20 years.  Watching the guy on the bus draw a tattoo on back of his hand with magic markers gave me good idea.

I showed Jim the magic markers and said “Make a flower. It doesn’t have to be good because when I get out of the pool it will be gone.”

So he drew a flower on my back with my magic markers.

I wasn’t going to go swimming, I thought I had enough adventures for one day.

When I was lying in the sunshine waiting for Jim to come, my Higher Self said, “You had a great experience.” She said, “A great experience means tears and laughter and all new experiences.”

I was surprised She called it a great experience, because some of it was bad, but I let Her talk me into it.

Jim said he has to go back to his club anyway because he left his swim bag there. So I said “OK I may as well take my swim.”

It was so nice arriving and seeing the familiar and wonderful girls behind the desk, and then going in the pool and wonderful Nancy and sweet lifeguard. And I told them the whole story and showed them my tattoo.

I said “I hope it is a flower but you never know what someone does behind your back,” and I burst out laughing.

They said “it is a pretty flower.”

I only got to swim a little because I arrived so late and was chatting with Nancy and lifeguard. But the last 5 minutes was great and the hot shower was great.

I said to Nancy “I have to be lickety-split because Jim is coming at noon and after what I put him thru this morning I don’t want to make him wait.”

And Jim was there when I got out and we had fun in the car.

I told him “I showed everyone your tattoo and they loved it.”

And he looked and said, “There is nothing there now. After all my hard work.”

I said “Next time draw a scary rattlesnake and we’ll take picture of it.

“I'll send the pic to my friends on email, they won’t know it is magic markers.

“I will say ‘here I am with my new tattoo.’”

He got into it. He said “I’ll draw one with fangs and blood dripping from his fangs.”

“Fine!” I said, “I will tell my friends the best tattoo artist in Tucson did it.”

And he laughed at being called a tattoo artist.

So I guess all’s well that ends well.

I sure was happy girl when he dropped me off and headed right back to my sunshine with my ice cold orange soda.

Love and kisses Annie

Up at dawn email

I found this pic on FaceBook last night, It is by Marc Chagall, his cover for Ballet Russe

Hi Jan

I actually slept last night.

Sleeping thru the night is still a new thing for me, it didn't start to happen till last week and it means I wake up so relaxed in the morning.

I think I knew this “transformation thingy” was really over when I began to sleep thru the night.

Because it was so comfortable and comforting to sleep thru the night, instead of up every half hour.

Dawn is starting now. It means a light indigo light is coming in from the East and the full moon is still shining in my West window.

First bird chirped in its nest.

I woke up optimistic about life which is a nice way to wake up.

I really can't remember when I last had that feeling. It may be a few years.

It sure feels nice to wake up relaxed and happy and optimistic about life. Even if it doesn't last. Ever since 2013 began my life bounces from one extreme to the other just like our weather has been doing.

But maybe this time of transformation (the past 8 weeks) is ending. Hahaha we are now transformed. And it means we can start to have happy days again too.

An hour later

The beautiful morning has just started

It is so much fun seeing the big pigeons all arrive

Sitting on my telephone wire

I love it when the birds arrive in my backyard

It is so much fun watching them

O the sun must have risen above mountains because sunlight is now splashing into my view out west window

O the color and the beauty

The  bright light in Tucson turns it into paradise.

I wish you and Harry a lovely day.

Love Annie

Later the same day  5 PM

Hi Jan

This afternoon I got discouraged. Then I read the Letter from God for today which I had printed up this morning. It overjoyed me when I read it this morning.

I had it in my backyard to read it again. After I realized I was discouraged I did read it again.

All about the amazing absolutely wonderful experience that will happen to all of us.

So then I thought “I may as well believe it. The girl who let herself be tricked into believing the mass awakening would actually happen may as well let herself be tricked into believing this amazingly wonderful experience will inevitably happen to all of us.”

LOL I never used to be sarcastic about all this spiritual stuff but as my Higher Self pointed out the other day “It was a let down for you that the mass awakening did not happen.”

Love Annie
4 days later Sunday March 3rd   
Hi Jan

It is 5 pm and I have not fallen down the rabbit hole yet.

Ever since the nights turned freezing, because heat does not reach my bedroom

I have been sleeping in what was Billy's tool room. There is a little futon couch in there and it is right by the furnace

And afternoon sun comes in that window.

But last night was mild, so this afternoon I went to my bedroom where my TV is for the first time in long time.

It was so ice cold in there for past 2 months I would not step one foot in it.

I remade the bed so the violet comforter was on top, not the brown one

I thought it will lift my spirits to see the pretty light violet

And I even got under the covers in front of the TV to try it out.

The new TV, I never got to watch it, that is when the nights turned ice cold

It has been on all this time tuned to the old movie station

I didn't turn the sound back on but I did watch the movie which was playing for an hour.

I found it comforting watching faces on TV again. There was something so isolated about all that time in bed with just my thoughts.

I did notice yesterday evening (I was still on futon couch in tool room) that I dealt with my bad memories much better. They had been huge problem for me for 2 months. I would get very upset.

But last evening I applied new age thinking to them instant they arose. "It never happened, I was asleep and dreaming and when I wake up in paradise I will realize it never happened."

We'll see. Maybe nipping it in the bud is the trick for me. For two months I fell down the rabbit hole each time they came into my mind.

Now I am wondering if they are coming to the surface for us so much to be released?

It sure would be wonderful miracle for me if I could be rid of my bad memories.

So how did your day go today?

Love Anne