today's email, early morning and late afternoon..

My friend sent this to me on an email, I love it

early morning

It is dawn on the desert altho the sun will rise soon. It is already light but the sun has not yet peeped over the mountains to the east. But I hear the morning doves in their nest. They make a deep coo like pigeons, to whom they are kin, but their coo is so much deeper.

It is basso.

It looks like a cloud cover on today's sky. Which is OK by me because we have had glorious sunshine and blue sky for past few days. I don't mind a change today.

It is fine with me.

Peggy posted thrilling photo of sun going down on moonlight bay in Texas yesterday.

I saw it at same instant the huge Arizona sun in Tucson was going down.

It was like looking at the same sun at the same time.

Of course I realize now we all look at the same sun.

Which is a wonderful idea. The sun anyone sees up in their sky is the same sun I see up in my sky.

It makes me feel so united

I wish you all a wonderful Tuesday

Love Annie

Late afternoon

The men from the gas company spent all day digging up my street in front of my house. I guess they are putting in new gas lines.

They all seem like such sweethearts to me.

I was late for swimming and had such short time because Jim spent 3 hours looking for the car keys.

I had tried to tell him we are in a different Dimension now and the mind won't work the same on automatic pilot the way it used to.

You have to pay attention when you do things, LOL because when you're not paying attention, the mind doesn't carry it out on its own.

In this case he stopped to pick up his mail when he drove into his driveway, put the keys down on hood of car and stood there reading his mail.

So tearing up his house for 3 hours and looking in every drawer in the house did not make the keys show up.

Last week he spent 7 hours looking for his wallet. He was just about to call and cancel his credit cards when he discovered it in the garbage.

And it happened again the next day.

And few days after that with his cell phone.

He has spent a lot of time looking for misplaced items and upsetting himself very much.

But of course he tunes me out when I say about the new Dimension.

He thinks I am crackpot.

I notice I have to remind myself about everything. For instance if I am watching TV in back bedroom and realize I did not bring in my cordless phone with me.

Not that anyone ever calls me, but the last thing I want to do is race thru the house to answer the phone.

As I walk thru the kitchen I decide to fix myself an ice cold soda to take back to tv with me. But if I do not actually remind myself that what I came in for was my phone, I would return without it.

I have to remind myself about everything like that now.

I actually have to pay attention to all the things I always did automatically before.

Maybe in this new Dimension we have to be more attentive or we will throw our wallet in the garbage :)

Love Annie

Wonderful driving lesson this morning

I love this pic I found on FaceBook yesterday of mother panda with her baby

Sunday March 24 2013

I had divine driving lesson this morning. Jim took me to the country. It was fun driving fast on the empty deserted road. After 2 weeks of creeping along my own neighborhood for half hour before swimming.

It felt like actually driving moving along so fast. But the 2 weeks of slow neighborhood driving did pay off. I was relaxed and confident behind the wheel. And that was great for me.

LOL my life is all extremes these days. Either 10 miles an hour in my own neighborhood, or speeding along on the deserted empty country road.

I was happy to be doing it and it made Jim happy too. He liked it that I was finally going fast.

I drove to the end of Swan Road, did 3 tushy turns, to practice for the road test, and Jim was thrilled when I actually took my hands off the wheel during the last one.

It is so much fun for me when he has confidence in me as a driver. LOL it happens so rarely. Maybe never.

On the way back up Swan Road, again I was going at a very fast clip, when suddenly I saw a bull lying down by the side of the road. Or maybe he was standing there.

“I  am driving off the road so I can watch,” I said to Jim.

“O no we will get gored!” he said.

I didn’t appreciate it that he frightened me because for me it was love at first sight. But the result is I did pull up a little away from the bulls instead of right by them.

Because it turned out there were 7 of them lying down on the other side of the road. And my heart just went wild with joy.

It is the most beautiful sight I ever saw in my life. I have no idea why and there simply is no explanation. Why 7 bulls lying down all beside each other should have been such total and complete and passionate beauty for me.

The love which rose in me was just tremendous. I couldn’t stop drinking in the sight.

I had to crane my neck the whole time to look thru that small area where the back windows in the truck open up and I kept looking and looking.

I just kept drinking in the sight. I couldn’t get enuf of it. Finally I said to Jim “it’s better than sex.”

I meant it. It was surfeit of bliss.

I couldn’t believe that I was this fortunate to have this divine experience.

After that I drove to the traffic light. And drove to the next light, we switched seats so Jim could drive us back to town

“Stop at Nico’s so I can get a fish taco,” I said.

“Are you going swimming?” he asked

“Might as well,” I said

But after we got close to my house I changed my mind

My outing had been so satisfying, it was beautiful day to boot. I had my fish taco on the dashboard, I was hungry.

I said, “I think I’ll just go home, have my taco, my soda, and my cigs in my back yard. You’re free all day to do exactly what you want.”

And I did have my taco, soda, and cigs in my backyard.  It was only noon, and for the rest of the day I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I was like a jitterbug. Lounging on comforter in backyard didn’t work. Watching TV did not work.  Coming in here to my computer did not work.

Nothing held my interest.

And my thoughts were the worst jitterbug of all. They just jumped around. LOL in some meaningless jitterbug dance.

I guess the nice thing about my driving lesson, not up there with seeing the bulls of course, which was a divine experience for me, was how well Jim and I got along.

We don’t always get along, sometimes we bug each other and get on each other’s nerves.

In fact yesterday was one of those days.

But this morning maybe for the first time ever we were on the same page. Everything we said pleased the other. We couldn’t agree more.

We got along splendidly.

And who knows maybe this was the source of the great happiness for both of us all thru the driving lesson from beginning to end. From instant he picked me up till he dropped me off.

The getting along had been smooth as silk and we had never had that before.

We were both in an up mood and pleased with each other.

Maybe Jim was pleased with life. Everything he told me he was glad about.

And of course I was so glad he was glad. It made me glad.

Ordinarily communication between us is simply nil. We live in 2 different worlds. And they are too opposite to ever mesh. We solve it by tuning each other out constantly.

Whatever I say he tunes me out. Whatever he says I tune him out.

LOL if neither of us is quick enuf on the draw to tune each other out before we heard what the other person says.

We go into irritation mode.

It’s amazing this beautiful friendship between us exists.

Maybe because we each help the other out so much and both know we have each others best interests at heart. It provides the springs for our friendship.

We muddle thru without too many jostles and bumps.

We do get along.

It’s rare that we don’t.

But today was the icing on the cake. It was not just getting along, it was pure joy in each others company.

It may be as rare as seeing 7 bulls all lying together by the side of road and drinking in all that beauty, but who cares.

They were both a great gift and made for a spectacular morning.

email about seeing old friends..

Macaws in flight, nice pic I found on FaceBook

March 19   

It is Tuesday, about an hour before sunset starts.

I had such an unusual day today, totally out of the expected. But it is now slightly over a week since I got out of bed after my big transition and joined the world again.

And nothing is she same as it was before. Even when it seems the same, it is all subtly different. Because my attitudes, thinking and perception have all slightly shifted.

Moods seem different too. The other day my mood started to sink, and then I read a friend's email of his good news about his day, and it gave me such a lift, it propelled me back into happiness.

It's as if just a feather of joy, can lift up a whole mood which had been sinking for past 2 hours.

And the other thing, I don't know if it is bigger than the first two, but it is more dramatic.

Is that unusual experiences are starting to come into my life.

They seem to center around (so far) unusual connections with people from my distant past, whether I ever knew them in my past, but it turned out they are exactly my age and lived around the corner from me during grade school.

Or the little boy who was my boyfriend in nursery school and we have not seen each other since.

It's like it all starts on email. Finding each other on FaceBook.

And the next thing I know it's like a picture in a pop-out book.

Just when I am used to it being an email thingy, it starts to pop out into my Tucson life.

That is a very big change for a girl who is used to everything being on email.

Whether I will actually see any of these people face-to-face, I have no idea, but it is huge change for me that it is being talked about on email.

Because the idea that I might see them has entered my mind, and it is a huge idea. The idea is so huge to me and comes as such a surprise.

But maybe this is the time we connect up again with everyone from our past. I think Helen’s Higher Self told her something like that.

And isn't that what Peggy is doing at her reunion now. She said it is the 55th college reunion, but the first one she is going to.

All I can say is a lot of "out of the blue" stuff seems to be happening in my life now.

It all knocks me for a loop at first, I am so used to my life where nothing happens at all.

But I can see why it is a good thing. It pushes me into different situations, different circumstances.

If I am going to meet them face-to-face I have to think about them in a new way. Integrate them with where my mind and my life are now.

Maybe when they live far away and are from a whole different time in your life and it is just email, it is just about being amiable.

But if you are going to meet them at a restaurant, or they will visit you when they are in town, then you have to take away all distance in time and space.

You have to get really close to them in your mind, as close as you are to your closest friends, because how else can you enjoy being with them.

What I really want, I wonder if it is possible? Is to bring them so close in my mind, that they become as familiar as the people I see every day during my daily routines.

The girls in the pool, the lifeguards, the girls who work at the desk at the Y, Jim and Frank.

The people who make up my daily life.

That is really why I need time to prepare for my lunch date or visit or whatever.

I need time to be close to them in my mind.

Love and kisses, Annie

I had a nice Sunday

Nice pic I found on FaceBook yesterday evening

Maybe today was a lucky day because I just found my 3rd email of someone reporting their good news today.

It had such a good effect on me. I get encouraged when I hear good news. My optimism always goes up a notch.

I had a lazy Sunday afternoon. After I got back from swimming I napped in front of TV.

Before swimming I had Jim drive me to the house of a girl who grew up in my housing project in Flushing, Electchester.

I met her in the Electchester Group on FaceBook and it turns out she lives in Tucson now . She arrived here 10 years after me.

She had posted to me on FaceBook that she wanted to buy one of my books, so I posted back to her I will bring them to her if she emails me her address.

So I put them all in a shopping bag this morning and gave Jim her address. She said she will be doing bird photography this morning so leave them on the bench by her door.

Her address meant nothing to me, nor her directions, I assumed she lived here in town like me.

But Jim recognized the names of the streets where she said "hang a right." LOL it turned out to be out in the Tucson mountains way west of me. In a fancy new development with a country club.

Jim did not enjoy the long drive, but I thought it was fun being driven somewhere else other than to my Y or to supermarket or pet food or credit union.

It is desert mountains all cactus. I liked it.

Of course if she does read any of my books she will find out what a nut I am.

In the Electchester Group we just post about our childhood in Electchester. The games we all played or our teacher in 6th grade.

I try to act like a normal Electchester girl.

But I was not back then, I was not one bit like the other girls in my class, all from Electchester.

LOL and I am far weirder now than I ever was then.

And I have the impression that Audrey is not one bit weird.

I love Audrey. She has been so kind and helpful to me in her posts to me on Facebook. 

She has a warm loving heart.

Well we will see. At least now she knows I am a writer and hopefully she believes all writers are weird. And I will get a pass on that basis.

A very bad cat came in from the alley yesterday to eat my cats' food.

As he was leaving the house he spotted Priscilla and chased her all the way up to the top of the tree in front of my window.

He is not welcome to come back!

She slept with me all night in my back bedroom because of the bad experience she had that evening.

Some of those alley cats are bullies!!

The one who comes every day for breakfast lunch and supper behaves like a gentleman.

I wish all a lovely evening and sweet dreams

I love you

Annie

First thing in the morning...

Nice pic I found on FaceBook this morning

8:54 am Saturday March 16

I had a lot of sleep last night. I woke late in the morning. Late for me who always gets up at dawn. 

I am not used to this much sleep. I feel like I have arrived on a new continent. Or as if all that sleep rubbed out everything else. 

It turns yesterday into something which happened so long ago it could be a past life. A past life which has nothing to do with me now. Gone and forgotten. As if it fell into the sea. And was swept away.

Everything feels brand new. As if life is just starting now. Right this minute. Life turned a corner. I started a fresh page. Or a fresh chapter.

It's sort of nice. All that sleep makes like a soft mattress in your mind. As if your mind is sitting on a soft mattress. Or lounging itself on it.

I don't know if it has gotten up yet. It seems to just be lying there with head propped up on elbow lounging itself. Looking out wondering whether to get up.

It certainly has not started its day

Spring is here…

I love this pic. I found it on FaceBook

March 14  2013  7 am  

I did sleep in my back bedroom last night and I did watch TV. Like a normal person with the sound on. I watched one of the old Perry Masons. That was my favorite show to watch before everything went wicky wacky on Christmas morning.

I woke up with appetite too. Actually hungry. Wanting food. I wasn’t willing to make hot oatmeal for myself but that is what I wanted.

And I slept well and woke up with full energy.

It is the bird calling which is outstanding. I woke up to that. And it hasn’t stopped. It’s like every bird in Tucson or at least in my backyard also woke up tip top.

Yesterday was all right. I know I had to drag myself thru it but the day before had been so wonderful, my first wonderful and happy day since it all began, that naturally I overdid everything. Which is fine. I couldn’t not overdo everything. I was enjoying what I was doing. And that was a first too since the whole thing began.

It meant I was too excited and stimulated to sleep and then up at crack of dawn.

So how could yesterday not be the type of day it was. I had to sleep off my day before. Hahaha I had to sleep off my glorious day.

But here I am again this morning fresh as a daisy.

It’s almost as if the past 3 months were an illness, I took to bed, and now my strength has returned.

It wasn’t an illness of course, it was a huge major transition. But it had to be treated as one because all I could do is lie in bed.

Eating was out of the picture. And for the first 6 weeks so was sleeping. All I had going for me was that occasionally I would doze off, and that would be my only escape from the relentless intense thoughts in my mind.

LOL it was no picnic. But as soon as I grasped it was a transition-- I was going thru a transition, and everything which was happening had to happen, and I would emerge better from it, it became endurable.

That was really the whole thing, enduring it. Because it was nearly 3 months. I got very good at enduring it until the last day of it.

I spent that whole day trying to bear up and by evening I gave up. “This is unbearable” I thought. I became desperate.

I had started to have a few decent days when it hit for that last time.

In some way it was like the weather. All thru the “thing” we had weather which is not Tucson weather. Freezing cold all day, subfreezing nights.

Which dovetailed with my inner life.

I mean all I wanted to do was to lie in that warm nest I had made for myself in my husband’s tool room next to the furnace. And because of the weather that was all I could do too.

But it was miserable on the outside, miserable on the inside. Altho occasionally it would occur to me it was the big clearing which takes place before spring starts. The earth is having her big clearing too.

And then finally the weather lightened up and at the same time I brightened up. We were partners in the same dance.

I began to feel my optimism rise.

It was warm and sunny. I spent the afternoon in my backyard just drinking in all the bright light. I couldn’t get enuf of it, I refused to return to the house.

And then out of nowhere suddenly that terrible storm.

The first day was just dark and overcast and cold, I didn’t mind it so much I had had that glorious yesterday.

But the next day it got far worse. And it was like a wind from hell blew in. It shrieked all day and got stronger and louder all day and all night.

That was the day I tried to spend bearing up all day. I was sick as a dog all day with the same symptoms this thing had brought with it for its first 6 weeks. But just as bad were my thoughts. They weren’t that terrible, not like the first 6 weeks, but I could not stand them. I could not stand anything which went on that day. That was the day I spent all day trying to bear up and could not succeed. The day I got desperate and gave up by evening.

And I now think that was the last day of it.

After that the weather changed. Each day was warmer and brighter and sunnier and more beautiful than the next.

And each day I would notice to my amazement I felt good all day. And on the 4th day of it I had risen above it all. That was my day of joy and happiness. That was the day of feeling wonderful.

I had risen.

That is why it felt normal that yesterday I slept all day and dragged myself thru the day. It was all about resting up from the day before.

Yes it could all be a big trick. There were a few times before when I thought I was feeling normal again or had a good day, and I thought “WHEW it’s all over.”

But listening to this bird call now, I won’t believe it is a trick.

I want to believe it is all over. And I deserve to have it over. I did my time. I mean the whole purpose of the whole thing is to bring in this glorious spring. Eventually that has to happen. So why not now!!

Yes there were 3 false springs before this, where my hopes were raised so much. But it turned out just to be a flash in the pan.

But so what! They encouraged me at the time and I was a girl desperate for encouragement.

And this time I think it is the real thing.

I don’t think winter can come back now, altho it did come back last week. Exactly when I had pronounced it over.

But there is too much new life blossoming out there for winter to come back now, and happiness has risen in me too.

Whatever pushed me down and held me down so long, how can it come back either. Even if I have up and down days, they will be normal up and down days, not like during the “thing.”

Well we'll see what happens. But I am ready to believe we have risen and I am ready to compare notes with everyone else now...

All my love

Anne

email, My Day..

Nice photo I found on FaceBook the other day 

March 13  at 6 PM  my email

Today was nice day for me even tho I was out of it, didn't want to do anything, and slept all afternoon. Still it felt pleasantly dreamy.

LOL in the morning I figured out why my scanner wouldn't go on. (It wasn't plugged in)

And it is a huge relief for me after all my computer dramas in early January, that my scanner works.

And I felt like such a techie that I figured out all by myself why the scanner wouldn't go on.

Bill did everything for me, it is still new thing that I try to do anything by myself.

O there is my cat Priscilla stalking the pigeons in the yard. I've never seen her really do anything, her daughter Cupcake is the great hunter. But I guess Priscilla finds it exciting to sit in the tall grass watching them intently and switching her tail.

It is her entertainment.

I was up at 5 am and stayed up. LOL by the time Jim picked me up at 10 am for teeny driving in neighborhood I was already exhausted.

But I did like the little driving, I enjoyed schmoozing with the other swimmers and lifeguards.

And then came home and slept all afternoon.

It is so luxurious that there is real heat today. For first time I am not constantly taking off long-sleeve polo shirts and sweater, and then putting them back on.

It was so hot outside and for first time in recent memory comfortable to be in house in halter top.

It is such a relief not to have all that constant megillah with warm clothes.

I know it says it will go down to 50 tonight, so at some point I will have to find all those long sleeved polo shirts and even the bulky sweater I wore over them.

But right now I can't believe my luck that it is sundown and I am in halter top and short cotton circle skirt.

I really do not understand my new relationship with the TV.

I had been back sleeping in tool room during the past few freezing nights.

But when I got back from pool today it was too hot to sunbathe. I went back to my bedroom. Where the TV is always on as I don't know how to shut it off and on.

I tried to watch 3 different movies, none worked so I changed channel to an old black and white western, took off the sound. And fell asleep thru the next 2 movies.

Maybe I should just face that everything is different now that we are in the 4th Dimension (or involved in this major transition) . That I may have a relationship with my TV again, but it will be a different relationship.

I wish you all a wonderful evening

I love you

Annie

An hour later

Another email

My cats won't sleep with me in my bedroom only in Bill's tool room.

If I am not really enjoying TV yet, maybe the cool back bedroom is the right place to spend the too hot afternoons. Dozing in front of TV.

I know the small futon couch in tool room is cramped, but there is no joy like Priscilla sleeping on my legs.

And it is close to my computer room, if I start to have thoughts I can't stop, or can't fall asleep I can just get up and come to computer.

Even tho it is twilight now a bird is chirping its heart out. I love the sound. I thought they'd all be asleep in their nest now.

But he is singing his heart out. Could he be a night bird?

It is really quite a huge thing to change your habits.

But maybe we are now in an era of experiment. I mean I don't have to say I will move to tool room for nights and afternoons in back bedroom

I can just try it out and see what works.

I can be flexible and experimental about all my habits.

Love Annie