Yesterday I went back to my driving

Drawing by Helen Kritzler, My friend's smile

8:22 am Monday morning December 24 2012

The day before Christmas

Yesterday I went back to my driving.  I haven’t driven since the rains came.  I no longer remember when that was.  It feels like a world ago.   

I hadn’t driven in so long that when Jim suggested it yesterday I knew if I didn’t do it now I would never do it again.  I had lost all connection to driving.  

The last two times I had done it had not been a good experience.  It had been far too tense for me driving in town.  Driving in traffic with other cars on the road.  It had not been pleasurable at all.  I hadn’t wanted to do it again.

It just seemed so much simpler to let Jim drive me everywhere, sit back and relax.

Yesterday was cold but bright sun was shining.  It was Sunday.  I really did feel like now or never.     

“OK” I said.  “Let’s go to the country then.  You can wash the windshield for me when we stop on the way for gas.”

I was quiet all the way.  I have no grip on my mood at all now.   I have no idea what makes me want to laugh and play and kid around with him in the car.  Like the day before when he had  driven me for my errands.

Or why I was so quiet yesterday.  Why I just wanted to sit quietly and say nothing.  Look out the window.  Just be quiet.

We stopped for gas, he washed the windshield.  I went inside and bought two peanut butter on crackers.

He drove me to Corona Road.  Without any fanfare at all we changed seats and I simply began driving.   

I drove slowly the whole time.  He went out of his mind the whole time.  All the way up Corona Road, all the way down Los Rialles, all the way to the end of Swan Road I drove slowly.  I had it in 4^th but never went above 20 miles an hour.  

He went out of his mind the whole time.   He insisted every which way to Sunday that I step on it.  I was the only car on the road the whole time.   I figured I wasn’t bothering anyone.   He carried on that I was going 20 miles an hour.  

“I put up with it when you do this in your own neighborhood” he kept saying.  “I don’t want to put up with it now” he kept saying. 

“Tough” I said. “Turn on the radio” I said, “you can listen to the radio.”

The truck has no radio.  This is a joke I make to amuse myself. 

“The speed limit here is 55 you have to go the speed limit,” he said.  

“You can read the article about the Mass Awakening by Archangel Raphael while I’m driving.

 “You can read it aloud to me” I said. 

“I won’t read it” he said. “Archangel Raphael is a nut.”

“Turn on the radio then and listen to the game.”

“There is no radio” he said.

“Now you are going 15 miles an hour” he said. 

“You’re lucky you’re going for a nice drive in the country on Sunday morning.  Not every friend would do that for you. You are lucky to have a wonderful friend like me.”

No man was more miserable as he was driven that long forever stretch of Swan Road with not another car on the road by me at 20 miles an hour. 

“This is torture” he kept saying.

I didn’t care.  I knew the best thing for me in whole world now was to be relaxed behind the wheel again.  There had been a long time of me driving where I hadn’t been relaxed at all.   And it had taken its toll.  I hadn’t wanted to get behind the wheel again as a result.

I didn’t mind all his complaining.  It amused me.  It gave conversation in the car while I was driving.  It diverted me.

“Awwww the open road” I said with enthusiasm. 

“This is not the open road!” he said, “the open road is not driving 15 miles an hour.” 

I chuckled to myself.  

“I love the open road” I said.

When we reached the end of Swan Road I did 6 tushy turns right in a row.  That is what Jim and I call the 3 point turn which I have to do successfully on the road test to get my license.   They got to be called tushy turns because Jim kept saying “you turn the wheel in the direction you want your tushy to go” meaning the back of the truck.

Oddly enuf it relaxed Jim when I did 6 of them all in a row, and all of them perfectly. He had really wondered if my driving had regressed in long month of not doing it.  He thought maybe I really had gone back to square one.  But I was so relaxed at driving such a long distance at only 20 miles an hour, it made me relaxed while I was doing my tushy turns.  So I was able to do them fine.

I am beginning to see the whole key for driving for me is being relaxed behind the wheel.   

On the way back to Los Rialles road I drove the same way but this time Jim did not complain.  He was overjoyed by my tushy turns.

“I am not seeing any animals” I said. 

“There aren’t any animals” he said. 

“I wonder why?” I said. “There aren’t any birds in the sky,” I said looking up at the huge sky.

I said “we may as well get my cartons of cigarettes while we are all the way out here.  You give me the directions till we get to Nogales Highway then we will change seats.” 

“You can drive on Nogales Highway” he said. 

I ignored him.

I followed his directions till we came to a long stretch of road I hadn’t been on before. There were cars on it but not that many.  It was Sunday.  It was fun for me to be on a road I had never been on before.  With different view on the sides and a different view ahead of me. 

By now I was relaxed and warmed up.  I drove like a normal driver.  I don’t know why, it just seemed to come naturally to me.  It felt natural going at a faster speed.   Cars passed me who wanted to go faster.  Fine with me.  But I knew I was going a natural speed now.  And it was fine.

Then I pulled expertly into the embankment right before Nogales Highway and let Jim take the wheel.  

After we bought a whole box of cartons of cigarettes.  And after Jim stopped at Nico’s along the way home so I could get take-out Mexican food to eat when I got home, we got to my driveway. 

“I’m not going to swim today,” I said. “You did enuf. You helped me a lot. Just bring the cigarettes into the house for me then you are a free man all day.”

Before we reached my house,  a few miles up, he said “you drove spectacular.” 

I couldn’t believe my ears.  “Say it again” I said.  “Say it again.” 

He said “Not in the beginning.  In the beginning you were a black hole  You got an F.   But at the end you drove spectacular.”

“Really?” I said. “Really? Say it again” I said.

After he brought the box of cartons of cigs into my bedroom closet he noticed my cat Priscilla curled up in her chair.  He stopped to pet her and give her love.  

She loved all her pets and love and attention. The girl was in bliss.  It was very nice for me.  Bill is an animal lover he always gave our dogs and kitties too so much love and pets and attention. 

There hasn’t been a man in my house giving Priscilla love and pets and attention since Bill is no longer here.  It made me remember how much I love men, how sweet they are, how loving they are.

With both Bill and Jim you never get to experience their loving sweet side until you see them with an animal.  That is when they express their whole loving side.  And it is always bliss for me to stand back and watch it. 

The pet is in bliss and I get to see the man who is my closest friend turn into a being of such total love you can just stand there and swoon.  It is like a little bit of Heaven taking up residence in your house.

You get to watch pure love happen right in front of your eyes.

It’s very very special and I love it so.