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| Such a lovely pic of horses posted on FaceBook yesterday |
written Sunday
afternoon June 23rd
Such
an interesting driving lesson this morning.
Yesterday
I was willing to drive out of the neighborhood to 2 destinations. God had
suggested it. But on the way there were 2 fights with Jim. Because he told me
to do one thing, and God said do another.
And
Jim was mad that I didn’t listen to him. “You have to listen to me!” he said.
The
problem is that Jim goes by my driving skills. When he said “Do it! You can do
it!” he believes it.
But
God lives inside me and knows when I am too scared to do it.
So
He says “don’t do it.”
I
always listen to God.
Even
tho Jim says “You can do it! You have to do it! You have to trust me!”
I
don’t trust him. I trust God.
Because
I know the instant something scares me while I am driving, my mind shuts down,
I forget to keep my foot on the clutch, the car stalls. Then I get
even more nervous, and I have trouble starting it up again.
Jim
has no idea why I suddenly have problems. He doesn’t know what scares me.
He
doesn’t know what makes me nervous. Sometimes it is something he says.
I
never tell him that it is something he said that made me nervous and that caused
me to have problems.
Because
I know in my heart of hearts that even tho Jim is the best driver in the world,
he has no experience in teaching. I am the first one he has tried to
teach anything to.
He is learning to teach, I am learning
to drive.
But I know how to teach, I know the
only way Jim can be a better teacher is by having confidence in his teaching.
So I never tell him when something
he is telling me has a boomerang effect on me. Makes things worse instead of better.
Makes it harder for me to learn to drive.
But driving in traffic is serious.
And it is now time for me to start to do it.
When
I woke up this morning, I knew we had to have a 3 way conversation about it, him
and me and God. God had to give him helpful suggestions.
We
sat down to have the conversation when Jim arrived, right before driving me to
DMV so I could practice tushy turns there.
Altho
Jim said he agreed to the conversation, right after God told him how much He loved
him and appreciated what he was doing in teaching me how to drive, the instant
God tried to talk to Jim seriously about how to help me with driving in
traffic.
Jim
simply refused to listen. He kept saying “This is waste of time, let’s go!”
This
is the third time there has been a 3 way between me and Jim and God.
(The
first two times were early on in my driving lessons. And the conversation took place on the phone
in the afternoon, when God said “call him and tell him I want to talk to him.”
(Both
times Jim kept trying to get off the phone instantly and both times he began
fighting with God. And both times God responded
by changing his tune from the originally sweet loving tender tone he has begun
with by getting tough with Jim in response.)
So
Jim gets tougher and God gets tougher, and I always think this is going to end
in disaster.
I
always think “how can this work if Jim and God are fighting with each other.”
I’m
always so stunned that Jim is fighting with God. Whoever heard of anyone fighting with God, thinking
they can possibly bully their way thru it.
So
this morning by now both sides were shouting.
And God was saying “Stop being obstreperous.”
That
caught Jim by surprise. “What does
obstreperous mean?” he asked.
Every
time God tried to talk Jim interrupted and would not let God speak.
When
God did try to talk, Jim either said “you’re wrong,” or “I already do that.”
Finally
God said “You have to sit still and shut up. I want to finish what I have to say.
When I finish you can comment.”
I
think Jim was very surprised that God told him to shut up.
It’s
interesting to notice now that at no point did Jim think it was me saying all
this, he did believe it was God saying all this thru me. Because if he had believed
it was me saying this, he would have been very mad at me. He would have enraged himself at me.
Instead
he kept saying to me “Let’s go!”
God
finally did manage to say his piece very quickly. And then we got in the truck
and took off for DMV.
Interestingly when
we were driving, maybe driving relaxed Jim or being on our way relaxed him, he
got receptive to the conversation.
Because
to my surprise God said a lot of things to Jim that he was totally receptive to
hearing.
I
don’t know if he was receptive to anything God said while we were sitting on the
two chairs in front of my house. I mean
I don’t know if Jim was willing to hear any of it.
But
while we were driving and there was no heat in the conversation, Jim was
receptive, and God was able to express himself in such a calm way.
And
Jim was able to recognize how sensible it all was, and helpful.
He
stopped being defensive. He was willing
to take it in.
As
a result God was able to express himself to Jim in a much kinder more loving
way too.
It
was a conversation which worked.
And
the odd thing is how much it liberated both of us. I felt Jim now understood where I was at, God
had explained it to him perfectly. And Jim understood where I was at and God
had helpfully explained the best way to handle it in simple practical terms.
Jim
could now know what to do and what not to do when I am driving in traffic. And he was able to understand what happened
and why it happened, and responded to God’s suggestions of how to get around
it.
“Don’t
press Anne to make the light,” God said.
“It’s better for her to be stopped at red light. She is so tense
driving, it gives her a moment to relax, calm down and get herself organized.
“Being
stopped at a red light is good for Anne right now.
“If
she starts to drive slowly because she doesn’t know where the driveway is for
her to pull into at the Y or somewhere else, don’t press her to go faster because
she is holding up the cars behind her.
“It
just makes her nervous when you tell her she is holding everyone up, she gets
flustered and stalls.”
Jim
said “I’ll just let the cars behind her honk at her.”
And
God said “Brilliant! Good idea! She’ll find out she is holding up traffic that
way. It will be a genuine learning experience
in driving.
“Don’t
make her make that right turn on Columbus
“Let
her wait till the light is green, then she doesn’t have to dart if cars are
coming, and can just focus on making that turn.”
God
also said, “When she drives around the neighborhood she is so relaxed it is
perfect time to fine tune all her driving. She appreciates all the correction
and learns from it.
“But
when she is driving in traffic don’t say anything. Unless it is actually dangerous. Remember everything
she did wrong and then when you switch seats you can tell her. Or better yet. Just say good job. Let her relax. Buy her an ice cold coca cola . Let her have
a cigarette, and then after that tell her everything she did wrong.
“But
maybe start off with saying she did a good job.
In fact tell her she made progress.
Anne does not believe that she makes progress at all, she never thinks she
is getting anywhere. Tell her she is making progress, and then gently point out
to her the things she did wrong. She
does need to know that.
“Just
give her a chance to relax and unwind first so she can take it in.
God
did say “You tell Anne what she can do based on her skills, but I live inside her
and I know what scares her.
“I
want Anne to go out of her comfort zone now but it is not helpful for her to be
scared. It’s not necessary. And because I know what scares her it is better
if she listens to me.”
Miraculously
this conversation in the car really did work like a charm. It made it possible for Jim and I to understand
each other and cooperate when it came to driving.
He
had more confidence in me, I had more confidence in him, we were more relaxed and
easygoing with each other. I noticed the change when he stopped for gas on our
way to DMV and I sat on the curb to
smoke a cigarette.
It
was more than giving each other the benefit of the doubt. We were on the same page. I trusted him. He trusted me. We both knew beyond a shadow of a doubt how
well intentioned we were towards each other. We became more assertive with each
other in a natural way. Instead of irritating
each other we harmonized.
When
we got to DMV I did 6 tushy turns in a row (our name for the 3 point turn.)
And
then God suggested I drive the route that the examiner will have me drive. Jim
was all for it.
I
made my turn onto 22nd
Street
Jim
said “Turn at the light.”
The
light was red and there were no cars coming in any direction.
“I’m
going to turn on red” I said. And I did.
And
I turned into the neighborhood.
Jim
started to say something and said “I will wait till you are done.”
But
I was so relaxed driving in the neighborhood I said “tell me now, I am relaxed.”
He
said “You have to stop at the red light, and not just keep on going to make your
turn. What you did is called running a
red light.”
I
was so pleased to hear it. I was glad to
learn that. I really hadn’t known it.
And
I thought it was so sweet of Jim to listen to God and try not to tell me while
I am driving.
My
trust and confidence in him shot up a whole notch. And I bet it was mutual.
After
we finished driving in the neighborhood, God suggested, “Do 22nd Street
God
said “Ask Jim what he suggests, should you do 22nd Street
Jim
thought and said “Do 22nd Street, it is the harder thing.”
“That’s
just what God suggested, you both agree.
“I
am willing to do it, I’m going to be big
brave girl. Should I ask you or God to give me pat on the back?”
And
he gave me pat on the back.
Jim
said “eventually you’re going to have to switch to third on 22nd Street
I
said “God said, I shouldn’t try that now, I have enuf on my plate while I drive
22nd Street
So
I drove 22nd Street 22nd
Street
“Good!”
I said.
“You
have to practice that” he said.
“Good”
I said. “You are right.”
And
when I reached 22nd Street
And
I switched to third for the long stretch on the road which leads to 22nd Street
I
said “God said we should both be rewarded.
And you stop at 7/11 and let me treat you and me to a Coca Cola. Will you let me buy you one?”
“Yes”
he said.
“What
about a donut too?”
“Yes”
he said.
And
you know I think we were the happiest boy and girl in the world as he drove and
I sat in passenger seat, and we were both perfectly satisfied with ourselves
and each other.
It
is really quite amazing, the last two times I had tried to drive in traffic, we had had huge fight in the car.
This
time it was all sweet as sugar.
Our
happiness driving together went up a whole other notch.
I
wonder if what changed it was when God said while we first started driving
there, “You know Jim, Anne’s driving is not the most important thing, the most
important thing is you two getting along. Because Anne really loves you, not as a
boyfriend, as a friend and it distresses her too much when you fight. She doesn’t want to be upset with you.
“And
Anne’s happiness is the most important thing in the world, not her driving, so
no matter what I don’t want you two to fight.”
I
think after that is when Jim became totally receptive to everything God had to say
about the driving.
I
don’t know why, but I think it was what turned the corner.
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